


Points of Love and Logic

by silasfinch



Series: Points of Love and Logic [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-16 09:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Michael Burman tries and fails in her efforts to conceal her feelingsShore Leave + Vulcan Logic + Commlinks = Star Trek Discovery Romantic Comedy?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TFALokiwriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TFALokiwriter/gifts).



> I am a lifelong Trekkie who adores Michelle Yeoh, Vulcans and harbours an ambition to see the subtext in SciFi woman - frankly its surprising it took me a week to write and edit this. 
> 
> On that note I am dyslexic, I worked hard to edit this in several programmes, but mistakes may linger - be gentle, please?
> 
> Since we all know what happens to PG safe to say this is pre cannon and AU
> 
> Thanks to TFALokiwriter for laying the foundation for this fandom.

 

 

My belief is in the chaos of the world and that you have to find your peace within the chaos and that you still have to find some sort of mission  
Ta Nehisi Coates- American Writer and Commentator

  
Michael Burnham recognises that she is developing romantic feelings for Philippa Georgiou, her Friend, Mentor, and Captain.

Michael does not feel shame when she admits this fact in her morning and evening meditations.

The Vulcan culture values truth and integrity highly; these tenants form the foundation of many of the philosophies and disciplines that she studies so diligently. However, it is the guidance of Amanda that encourages her total honesty in this case. The older woman gently reminds her ward that she a child citizen of Vulcan and not a Vulcan by proxy, that to deny her humanity will be a detriment not only to her studies but also to her psychological health.

"You can acknowledge your feelings privately without resorting to traditional public displays" is one of her constant refrains when Michael wakes with nightmares and feels shame for this weakness.

This particular scenario is unlikely to be what the esteemed Lady Amanda is referring to but knowing how liberal she is, it may well still apply.

Her feelings are primarily easy to ignore and do not bother her overly much. Recently Philippa has begun confiding in her more, about plans to retire, her dreams for a post Fleet life, her hopes for Michael and the rest of the crew. Their weekly catch-ups have become a highlight of her schedule, much like dispatches from home.

The lines blur considerably.

****

"It’s no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”

The quote from Alice in Wonderland is echoing in her head, or more accurately, how well this piece of human wisdom fits her current circumstances. Now that she is aware of her feelings for Philippa she simultaneously develops a more astute observational framework. The commander can see all the minor interactions that betray her feelings, too subtle for the casual observer but a roadmap to self-realisation.

Her body language is different when Philippa is proximity. Her physical controls are excellent, Sarek commends her on this point, but she reacts to the other woman's presence be it a formal staff meeting or a casual chat over dinner.

She seeks little ways to increase Philippa's happiness, primarily as the pressures of command increase. The Captain's tastes are not extravagant, but Michael makes sure to store any details that revealed for reference, in particular, Human holidays or history that she has little attachment to but Philippa does. Michael's replicator stores all favourite foods precisely, after several attempts to get things right.

There is nobody on the ship who could objectively measure her behaviour, but the first officer feels like she is performing an odd mixture of Vulcan and Human courtship rituals.

She desires Philippa in both a human and Vulcan way. She finds her aesthetically pleasing and a charming conversationalist. Michael finds herself mimicking some of the human crew who are seeking relationships, if not in such overt ways. The part of her mindset that is Vulcan appreciates the agileness of her mind and the way she balances so many competing obligations.

The point is moot of course, even if Philippa returns her feelings there is no way Michael will allow her to violate regulations to such a degree.

****

Her feelings are just another uncomfortable truth to acknowledged but actioned no further. This reality is much like her desire for vengeance on the people who killed her parents or her rejection from the Vulcan Exploratory Force for not being a real Vulcan.

Others may find value in confronting situations directly and seeking 'resolution' or displaying like Saru does but those actions do not fit the case or her personality.

However, it is also true that she does not wish to complicate the situation further by seeking out the other woman as much as she had previously, once she sat down to run the calculations her (subconscious?) efforts at increasing intimacy are embarrassing and speak of open attachments.

Michael worries that the ever observant and often hostile Saru may make a note of her feelings and won’t hesitate to use this knowledge.

The two weeks of Shore Leave while Shenzho undergoes scheduled maintenance is an ideal time to regain balance, one of Starfleet's bases is close to a planet known for its wide variety of entertainment. Michael accepts invitations from several friends in the Science Lab to join them in their activities, even though she has expressed no desire to see the musical group in question.

Numbue is keen to get her perspective on several new xenobiology samples he read about and Conner eager to assist as he is interested in the topic given his background.

There will also be plenty of time to meditate and practice her martial art forms. Spock wants to connect with her about his first posting, and an academic quandary. They have not been able to find the time to join adequately given their schedules. Michael resolves to make this a productive trip both professionally and personally.

Michael is confident that The 'Georgiou' Problem will resolve itself in time

***

"You are avoiding me, Number One."

  
Michael loathes leaving martial arts routines incomplete, so she ignores the question in favour of fighting an imaginary opponent in the remote forest clearing that serves as her outdoor dojo during their leave. The moves give her additional time to consider a response to the direct question.

Both the command of the Captain and the hurt of a friend underneath.

Sarek's training resonates too strongly not to regard Philippa where she stood at the each of the clearings. She is dressed for the climate in a light travelling robe, her long hair in a neat braid. She is carrying a reading pad and one of the exotic drinks that seem to be a speciality of the hotel the crew is staying at, Michael is pleased to see her state of relaxation.

To be more precise that would be the case if Philippa was still there enjoying her pass time and not confronting Michael so directly.

"If that were my primary goal, Captain, I would have requested leave to return to ShiKahr not established my daily routine 5.642 standard kilometres from our lodging."

"I thought I broke you of your fondness for Vulcan word games?" Philippa chided as she came closer resting against one of the boulders that form the personal boundaries of her training space.

"I can never claim to be a perfect student to any of my teachers" Michael parries accepting the second cup gratefully, she is working hard today.

“What is wrong Michael, I see you are tormenting yourself over something, let me ease your burden, my friend, have I not succeeded in the past?”

Indeed ever since Sarek escorted her aboard Philippa was the definition of welcoming, despite initial scepticism from many parties. Michael feels like she has earned her place and rank honestly.

“There is nothing so dramatic, Captain I am merely contemplating a difficult problem that has no easy solution” truth as far as it goes.

“Does your high psychics equations require you to miss our weekly Astronomy? Have the upper sciences captured your attention entirely?

Michael smiles at the old joke between them " my interests are still suitably varied, I will be happy to continue our lessons shortly."

Philippa regards her first officer for a long steady moment, wishing not for the first time, that she could break that famous Vulcan reserve.

"Tonight?" she asks hopefully trying to coax them back onto even footing.

Michael is trying to decline gracefully; there is a broader conflict in those dark eyes.

"Luitenent Saru to Commander Burnham"

"Go ahead, Saru."

"There is an incoming subspace message for you, Commander, from ShiKahr."

Michael does not bother to hide the relief when acknowledges the communication and gets it directed to her quarters, offering Philippa an apology.

"Spock and I are solving a problem together; I suggested that our shore leave is an ideal time to lay the foundations." Michael bows respectfully before walking quickly in the opposite direction.

Philippa Georgiou watches her leave, unable to shake the feeling that she is missing a fundamental part of the equation, not a familiar experience for a senior officer and respected diplomat. Michael is hiding something.

 

****

"You are still avoiding me, Number One."

Philippa is sitting on the rock this time, her legs crossed and the sunlight is playing with her loose hair. Michael is momentarily at a loss for words as they locked gazes.

"You started to tell me something the other day; I wish for you to complete those thoughts."

"That is not my precise recollection of the events that transpired" Michael disagreed as she began a series of stretches and warm-ups, intending to go for a brief run, from the look of her dress Philippa is prepared to join her.

"May I join you on your run, Number One" Philippa is conscientious about respecting her personal space both as a product of Vulcan education and an innately private person.

"If you wish, Ma'am."

They lapse into a comfortable silence for the first lap or so, both familiar to running for both training and recreation purposes. Their strides are reasonably even and are a relief to Michael not to have accommodated her paces, either as being too slow for Vulcan and too fast for a human.

Michael enjoys the quiet contentment, knowing that these moments cannot last if the truth is public knowledge she spends the time committing every sight and sensation to memory. The Vulcan healers taught her the same technique when she began to fear the loss of memories of her parents.

Michael knows she will treasure these specific memories equally well.

"You were seeking balance...." Philippa eventually prompts as they reach the second corner of the forest taran.

"I am a student of Vulcan - balance is a constant aspiration."

"I have witnessed you operating under far greater stressors without losing a hint of your composure. Something is different about this experience. I am worried about you Michael if you cannot come to me for whatever reason will you at least talk to somebody, take some time off if you need to, get some guidance from home."

"Are you concerned about my work performance in any way?" Michael's voice laced with concern; she begins mentally reviewing her duty rosters looking for points of concern or mishaps.

The last thing she needs is for Saru to have any more ammunition for their verbal sparring matches.

Philippa stood abruptly forcing Michael to follow suit, although she jogs on the spot, unwilling to lose momentum as if she can physically outpace the conflict in her head.

" You know that your work performance is the least of my concerns, except the length of your shifts but that is nothing new. My motivation is simply as one friend to another; you don't seem happy any more Michael. It saddens me that you can't see that"

Michael softens "Do not mistake my distraction for distress, Captain. I am merely following the example of my adopted kin who often get caught up in my head, give me a few weeks and things will return to normal.

The run the remaining lapse in silence until Michael receives a call from home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
*****

"Your foster family is attending an award ceremony on Betazoid."

Michael blinks at the non-sequitur from her Captain who is leaning against the doorframe of her hotel room; the look does not entirely succeed in being casual.

"Yes I am aware of this, Spock's distant cousin" Michael's agrees as she moves disable the door lock.

"I mention this just in case you intend to have a family emergency midway through our conversation" Philippa clarifies not even waiting to be invited into space, a formality Michael would not have denied her.

"I would invent such a pretence, Philippa," Michael argues softly

"Instead you can claim an excellent set of consciences, every time I try and talk to you, one or another needs your attention?"

Michael does not think it wise to point out that they have only met this way three times thus not constituting a pattern in any meaningful sense. Further that her family is contacting her at the same time every day.

"Nothing so mundane or sinister, the end of your daily routines merely coincide with the best times for Spock to contact me," she explains softly, choosing to stand instead of sitting next to the captain.

Philippa accepts the explanation with a weary shrug, it occurs to Michael that this stalemate is slowly undoing all of her relaxation. The tiredness is yet another thing to feel guilty about in an ever-increasing list.

  
"What have I done to make you avoid me so Michael? Is it the talk of retirement? Do you not seek command? Are you afraid to tell me that you wish to return to Vulcan and take up science? Have they finally come to their senses? There is an underlying plea in words.

Michael takes a steady breath; her life is often the definition of half-truths.

"I am afraid to tell you the exact opposite, Philippa" she whispers willing her body not to shake.

Michael is not sure about the quality of the mercy that Philippa has no idea what she is referring to, for all her emotional intelligence this reality is beyond her grasp. Confusion writes itself on the plains of her beautiful, familiar face.

"I do not know what you mean, Michael."

Michael smiles sadly "I know."

Perhaps it was better to over a final piece of clarity and have this feeling of limbo cease. Both Amanda and Sarek instilled in her that action is preferable to inaction in most personal circumstances.

She reaches out and with infinite tenderness traces the line of the older woman's check, skimming the psi points, and it feels intimate even if does not form an actual link between humans.

"I am avoiding you for a seek to reconcile how to love you in silence, Philippa" the words a gentle but factual. "for I wish to spend my life with you in every conceivable way, not avoid you. The duel reality of my current circumstances and my wish is merely challenging my logic. It is nothing you have done or not done."

Philippa blinks and tries several times form a response.

"I......"

"Captain Georgiou, Chief Sinclair wishes to discuss the repairs Ma'am" the crackle of the communicators seems too sharp in the silence of the room.

Michael laughs softly, appreciating the nature of the interruption given Philippa's previous complaints.

"He is not happy with the upgrades to the core, you will need to placate him, neither I or my team were successful, but he respects you."

"Michael..."

"There is nothing to be said, Philippa; many truths can exist without being actioned upon, my feelings are such a case. I only said as much to avoid you feeling hurt."

"That's not...."

"Captain please respond."

Michael takes the initiative and activates her communicator and feeling enterally grateful for her years of training in the disciplines formulates a reply.

"The Captain is finishing another call; she will be there shortly, Saru."

"Roger that"

Philippa glanced at her possible action but does not contradict it, her sense of duty is too high, sometimes an intimate knowledge has advantages.

"We are continuing this conversation, Michael."

"No, we are not."

An active Sicilian Defense is born.

****

Of course, not all of their interactions are within personal control. The captain and the first officer cannot avoid each other entirely, even on shore leave.

There are birthdays, anniversaries and promotions. Philippa makes a point of remembering such details.

Tonight there is a joint celebration for several officers which morphs into an excuse to socialise and mingle together; even Saru is convinced to join in.

Michael volunteers to lead the skeleton shift aboard USS Shenzho, she is pleased to test the new science stations.

It takes her moments to get lost in the computations and readouts, for the latest Vulcan Science Academy Challenge, the answer remains elusive, but those are her favourite type of problem.

“You are missing one hell of a party.”

Michael spins around, narrowly avoiding falling into a defensive crouch, her defence instructors would question how Philippa caught her unaware.

“I am sure you represented the senior staff well, Captain” Michael carefully closes her logs.

Indeed Philippa does look the part. The oranges and reds of her dress and shawl are designed to highlight her willow frame and Asian complexion. Her hair catches in an intricate style.

Stanzas of Vulcan love poetry fill Michael’s mind, but it was easy to slip into her clear stance, perfected over the years under Sarek tutelage.

“Is this your plan, Michael, avoid being alone with me until absolutely unavoidable?" Philippa asks her tone caught between patient and sad.

"To call this situation a product of planning is overstating the case significantly. Michael disagrees mildly, retreating to the overside of the room where she has placed a tea set.

"Can I do you a cup?" the offer is almost instinctual rather that than the offer of genuine desire. Early on the two officers found a mutual appreciation for Vulcan tea, which has similarities to a favourite of the Georgiou family both on Earth and abroad.

"Absolutely"

It horrifies Michael to realise that her hands are shaking, an anxious habit she hasn't experienced in years, the other woman notices but she is kind enough to respect privacy and makes no comment or query.

"Will you not be missed at the celebration? I heard that a few duets are on the cards, will you not be playing the Ezhu? Michael asks as they sit in the alcove by the window.

One of Michael's favourite features of the ship is its many windows and the shifting astrological phenomenon on display. They are currently passing an unstable wormhole, which puts on a show of beauty every cycle. The Walker class is an old fleet, but the designers included some great architectural features.

"Oddly, I wasn't really in much of a festive mood. I never am when we are at odds, rare as the occurrence may be"

Michael hunts in acknowledgement before sipping her tea, grateful that she chose to open her precious stores from Amanda and did not rely on the synthesised version.

"How long have you felt this way, Michael?" The captain ventured after it becomes clear that Michael intends to keep her silence and could do so until the remaining crew comes onboard.

"Such a concept is impossible to calculate, too many variables are involved."

"Try, please. I need to know."

"Allowing for space-time anomalies Three Years, Eight months, 27 Days" Michael replies promptly, her head tilted as if she is working on a complicated theory.

"When you return from that meditation retreat with T'Pau on the Vulcan homeworld?" Philippa recalls remembering that Michael was uncharacteristically nervous at the time.

"Yes, the programme is designed specifically to foster insight in its delegates," Michael confirms.

Philippa drains her tea and inches closer, trying to respect Vulcan boundaries while conveying a sense of intimacy. Her first officer has a great deal in common with Science Officer Saru at this moment, frightened, cautious and waiting for an attack to take any form.

"You did not feel the need to share these insights? were never intending to share these insights?"

"Of course not, these notions are private" at that moment Michael is scandalised and resembles every single affronted Vulcan Philippa has met, right down to the jerk of her eyebrows.

"Well, generally declarations such as these are shared with the concerned parties, Michael, especially when said parties are friends first."

"Only if on balance one deems it necessary or worth the disruption to the current status quo, I considered our friendship and working dynamic to be the more valuable asset to maintain."

Philippa regards her steadily waiting patiently for the younger woman to meet her eyes before speaking, her voice trembles slightly.

"I am entitled to offer an opinion or is this a unilateral decision between you and your copy of Starfleet Regulations?"

Michael blinks in surprise, and Philippa realises she genuinely intended not never reveal these feelings, that she only felt compelled to do so when her avoidance hurt the other woman's feelings.

"I thought I was sparing you needless emotional upheaval. The odds..."

"Please spare a recitation of the regulations or the differences in our backgrounds" the interruption is gentle but firm, Michael looks guilty enough to indicate this is what she intended to do

"You are not wrong; there are plenty of good reasons for your description, hell, I wrote some of the regulations you were about to quote, and the gossip mill would have a field day" Philippa pauses and sighs.

"Despite all the reasons you spent those Three Years, Eight months, 27 Days so carefully compiling, I am still glad I know."

"Why?" Michael wishes they did not have privacy with such a skeleton crew, but there was no emergency to ease the sudden tension in her belly. This conversation is far more draining than her previous calculations.

Philippa lends over and gently brushes her lips against the other woman's, interrupting what is likely to be part of a much broader explanation.

"Because I have been feeling the same way for roughly Three Years, six months and nineteen days, allowing for time-space anomalies."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A


	2. Negotiating The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philippa's POV of relationship progression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I am dyslexic, so please be gentle with remaining mistakes.

  
There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.

Anis Nin: Cuban- French Author and Essayist

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.

Bene Brown: American Psychologist, Commentator and Writer.

 

Philippa should not be kissing her protégée.

There are many reasons for this, sound reasons that deserve consideration.

  
She intends this to be a simple acknowledgement of their mutual feelings before they talk about the situation calmly. However, things rapidly escalate beyond these modest parameters. For one thing, Michael does not seem overly inclined to let her go anytime soon.

The first officer is cradling her face, long fingers precisely positioned as if she is waiting for a test on Philippa's general and specific facial features. Her left hand is making short work of the pins holding her hair in place.

Philippa Georgiou has not kissed anybody in a remote corner of a Starship for overly 30 years. Apparently, this hitherto undisturbed record comes to an end today. In the science station, surrounded by empty cups of herbal tea.

"I can hear your heart racing" Michael breathes against her neck.

"Is it any wonder, Number One?"

Michael chuckles before continuing enthusiastic explorations. The younger woman makes a study of every vain and pulse point. Philippa returns the favour but fears that she is falling into a daze and hopes there are no alerts of any kind.

  
"Stop" Michael whispers harshly, and she springs away like a startled animal ready for flight. Philippa instinctively grasps at her retreating form despite knowing that Michael does not enjoy casual touches and she could easily break an arm if sufficiently provoked.

Philippa simultaneously hopes and fears that Michael has come to her senses.

"Hush," Michael says she appears to be listening to something in the distance, her hearing is more developed than a typical human on account of her training and adaptions to Vulcan's harsher climate.

It takes Philippa several seconds to detect the approach of many footsteps, voices raised in jubilant excitement. Fortunately, she is a veteran of fast dressing and looks presentable in time. She darts into one of the science labs adjacent to the central space. Somehow Michael already seems immaculate, right down to creases in her uniform.

"Michael, we have concluded we would be neglecting our duty as your friend if we let you pass the entire night plotting and calculating numbers." Numbee calls as he enters the room followed by three science offers and a less enthused Saru.

"I assure you I in no way feel deprived at the moment" Michael objects, willing her heart rate to reach a more natural rhythm.

"One drink, please. Saru has even agreed not to raise pointless objections to your next three scientific observations" the deputy chief medical officer begins with an earnest smile.

"I did no such thing!" Saru objects his threat poaches flaring in indignation at the mere notion.

Right now Michael is more concerned with how quickly the Keplen can parse different scents in the air. It would not be difficult for a being with any degree of heightened detection abilities to hypothesis what went on here mere minutes ago. Their distinctive traces are mingling from Philipa's gorgeous perfume to her utilitarian soap.

"One drink is fine..." she agrees hastily, guiding them back out the door, almost she can hear Philippa's musical laugh following them all the way to the Turbolift.

 

 

 

********

Philippa should not be surprised her friends in the Fleet refuse to be scandalised in the slightest, even though she is apprehensive about telling them.

Her primary concern is the judgement of Michael and the idea that her promotion is a token gesture for personal favours. She has battled many hierarchies in her life and did not fear retribution for herself.

It is almost disappointingly anticlimactic when the four Captains meet for lunch after multi-ship convoy mission.

The Shenzo's Captain learns far more about her fellow senior officers than she ever really wanted to know.

Apparently, her situation is far from unique. There are even codewords for the different types of relationships. Philippa does not consider herself nieve, but the answers are illuminating. There are Starfleet regulations and procedures but there is an entire grey area she is unaware exists till now.

Often it is no more complicated than work colleagues who spent all their time together usually from a young age finding spouses and partners amongst the ranks. This situation is the same principle as doctors and nurses or diplomats.

"You both have exemplary records without a single complaint of this nature. You have gotten the fleet out of several bad scraps over the years; nobody is going to challenge you for simply finding happiness” one friend comforts her seriously

"You are nearing retirement. It is not as if you will influence the commander's career trajectory for too much longer. You can excuse yourself when this becomes an issue or formally request outside oversight” another adds with a shrug

  
"If it would make you feel better log the potential conflict of interest but the ethics panels only care if there is a reason for them to be concerned, group dynamics and chain of command. They have far bigger concerns with the academy problems and diversity recruitments. I am assuming your love wasn't married to your science officer when the affair began?" there is the voice of experience in that one.

Philippa recoils at the notion of using her power in such a way. Her relatively conservative roots mean that she takes relationships seriously and does not seek casual bedmates. It’s part of the reason she has only entered one near engagement and three serious relationships.

She is often grappling with a sudden fear that her constructions of relationships are too much for Michael, but they are honest with each other to this point.

 

  
********

  
Philippa should not be courting with someone so young.

Michael is utterly unphased by their age difference and seems bewildered when it is one of the first things that the other woman raises. As they share a meal after a late shift four nights later, that Philippa spent far too much time crafting, they begin to reflect on the ramifications of perusing a relationship.

"I am failing to comprehend your preoccupation with this particular point; surely there are more immediate obstacles if those are what you wish to discuss?," Michael says before slicing into the marinated Zucchini.

" I am 23 years older than you, Michael."

The commander arches an eyebrow and offers a challenging smile.

"Don't you dare give me a precise breakdown to the day" Philippa warns waving a carrot stick threateningly. "I already feel like I am robbing the cradle, to use an old Earth idem."

" I deduce from your tone that it is a cynical saying. However, age gaps like ours exist throughout history, long before significant longevity discoveries came into effect. From the limited I understand from census data, there is little to no moral outrage, either privately or publicly. This understanding is particularly the case since Contact and T'Vin's regeneration principles. I could..."

"Don't you dare write a report or statistical model for me on our Compatability Variables, Number One." Philippa can't help but burst into laughter.

Michael looks adorably close to pouting as if such a report is what she is planning on doing with the majority of her downtime for the foreseeable future. It is a relief for Philippa to know that Michael is serious about what they are doing together.

"But I can think of few better uses for my academic pursuits." Michael grins broadly enjoying the wordplay.

"I am sure you can think of a few suitable alternatives, I have seen your service file after all." Philippa does not admit that she could probably recite the long list accomplishments from memory, which she studied for any hope of mutual feelings, even though relationship information remained blank.

  
**********

Philippa should not be planning dates with her first officer.

There can be little dispute that this is the practice she is engaging in. It has not been so long that she has forgotten the process entirely, distant as the memories may be.

In some ways, Philippa is almost disappointed at how little things change. Their lives are already so intermingled; the process does not even require that much seeking around. They are both too disciplined to let this distract from duties if anything Michael seems even more determined to perform to an exemplary standard.

Philippa plans dates around their commitments, both simple and elaborate ones. It makes her happy to a degree she previously thought long lost to her.

They share a work out session in the gym, Philippa has studied some of the Vulcan martial arts and is eager to test her skills. However, this right intention rapidly changes when she sees the younger woman in workout gear. They sit and exchange confidences long into the night and Philippa is not ashamed that Michael beat her soundly in 9 out of 10 of their matches.

Philippa raids her food stores from home and regales Michael with tales of her family who owned restaurants for many decades. They have only recently conceded that replicators could be somewhat useful. Michael seems especially impressed by the array of vegetarian options.

Michael takes delight in discovering they are both early risers and it is relatively easy to fit in a 15 minute crossover period when the crew is switching, and Philippa is theoretically completing her admin work and the seemingly never-ending list of maintenance repairs. Michael brings her fresh fruit, and the discuss the coming day, sometimes the younger woman massages her tense shoulders and neck.

"How did you get so skilful at this?" Philippa tries not to melt at the touch.

"A combination of rudimentary knowledge of human physiology, Vulcan healing techniques and motivation" Michael replies, wincing as she hits a particularly stubborn knot.

Philippa knows that she should just enjoy the moments and not project too much into the future. The fleet is on the cusp of several major conflicts; their ship is retiring soon, the crew reassigned and consistently moving up the ranks.

If this role has taught them anything, it’s that there are few guarantees that they can live by at any given time.

She finds herself unable to suppress hopes at times like this. Philippa thinks about going to Vulcan, taking Michael to Earth. She dreams of creating entirely new memories together when one of them is retired, and one is a captain.

She wants a lifetime of these moments in between.

  
*********

  
Philippa should not desire a subordinate officer.

More to the point at 53, she thought that days of blushes in corridors and nervous smiles were behind her if they ever existed at all for that matter.

Control is a problematic undertaking though, mainly when they work closely together for hours. Staff meetings are particularly challenging when Michael looked to fresh and posed in the morning.

Irrespective of what they may have engaged in the previous evening.

There is no ambiguity in her physical attraction to Michael, how she managed to suppress her attraction for this long is hard to comprehend, self-delusion is a powerful thing. Her young lover feels no inclination to be shy or retiring.

Michael may be inexperienced by some standards, but that does not make her any less enthusiastic. Philippa appreciates how willing she is to learn and communicate; there is no embarrassment or shame in carnal desires.

Philippa’s favourite time is when Michael sneaks into her quarters at all hours, even if it Is the middle of the night they usually kiss and crease and work Michael out of her uniform.

Michael delights in the challenge of it all. Philippa sometimes wonders if her body is Michael’s most treasured puzzle. She memorises every reaction, signs of approval and shy requests. The younger woman is forever inventing ways to heighten the feelings.

The fine art of physics has never had a better application, her neck and shoulders have never felt better.

They seem to find a new rhythm together that satisfies and enriches both their lives in both small and profound ways.

The words I Love you remain unsaid. It is every way implied but never declared, both them waiting for an obscure permission.

Philippa hitherto no existent knowledge of Vulcan language is rapidly improving.

Private lessons are very motivating with or without clothes.

 

 

 

 

*********

Philippa should not be so apparent in her affection.

She is under no illusion that they are fooling any of their closest associates, you don't get to be a senior Starfleet official without developing excellent observation skills. Besides they are a strong crew who routinely socialise, they will just notice how happy she is these days, even when the core breaks down for the 10th time.

Even so, there are valid reasons for them to maintain distance in a professional setting for team cohesion if nothing else. There are still some lingering resentments about Michael's status, and this is unlikely to change no matter how much she proves herself.

Phillipa struggles not to grin in sheer delight when she hears Michael quick tread on the deck, even if they are interacting for 60 seconds at shift change.

Philippa does downright swoon when Michael gets excited about a scientific concept and how it is best to part the ship's mission. She is equally set on her career path, and it is desirable.

She flatters herself to think that the appreciation is mutual when she is operating in her field of expertise, that is one thing that is so wonderful between them, they are mutually supportive of each other.

Phillipa knows their inner cover is blown on the ship when Michael gets word that Amanda is sick. She is so distraught that all the Vulcan disciplines desert her right at the science station, even Saru takes over without comment.

"What is it, my darling?" Philippa quickly moves overwrapping the other woman in a tight embrace.

Nobody on the ship bats an eyelid just silently rearranges their schedules around the leave their commanding officers will take together.

Of course, it could have well been in the ridiculously amount of money she spends on the younger woman's birthday gift, even though Michael insists it isn't a big deal or worthy of particular commemoration.

In this like most things she adopts Vulcan traditions.

The beautiful crafted Jade necklace that she commissions from a famous artist back home is far from subtle, especially when it is presented in public and has an inscription.

“Monday – 1331 Days – Time/Space Adjusted.”

 

 

  
***********

Philippa should not be announcing their relationship so publically.

Everybody who needs to know does. The appropriate file amendments with Command. This situation won’t cause many sandals, but there is a tacit agreement they will remain discreet until their ranks change.

Philippa wants this moment together and will bear the consequences.

They are attending the wedding of an Admiral who went to the academy with Philippa, the event is well timed, and she is pleased to participate in the meaningful ceremony. They go back many years. It is also convenient excuse to visit Earth and plan something of a family reunion.

Her brothers and gaggle of nieces and nephews will never forgive her she does not make an effort.

The idea of asking Michael to attend as her date is not a consideration it’s a given, aside from anything Admiral Love is an infamous matchmaker.

Philippa friends often worry about her being alone so much. A side benefit of a new relationship is how happy it makes other people.

Surprisingly it is Michael who hesitates as they lie tangled together in what has essentially become their joint quarters in all but name, evacuation procedures and meditation times.

“You don’t need to do that, Philippa.”

“I must not be doing the right things with you if you suspect I am asking out of a sense of obligation” she complains jokingly.

Michael sits up, effortlessly folding her body into Vulcan lotus position that she swears is comfortable, it seems to be her favourite thinking posture. Philippa sometimes thinks Vulcan fostering gave her an extra set of joints to bend.

Philippa scrambles into a far less graceful cross legs, wrapping herself in the Vulcan robes Michael gave her as a present. The orange and red material is comfortable and makes Michael snuggle in close.

"I must be doing something wrong if you believe I am doing this out of obligation."

“It’s not that I am simply aware that your family was very attached to your former fiancee and did not adjust to your successive relationships well. I do not want to disrupt an important gathering.”

“You are the most glorious disruption I have ever had the privilege to know

Philippa snorts “That is because I was to marry Gregory’s best friend who owns a neighbouring property. Our situation borders on a medieval arranged marriage. Unfortunately, he believed in sampling successively younger holo vid stars who were not career obsessed.”

Michael stiffens her posture almost painfully rigid, like a trainee cadet ready to spring. Vulcans are a race of touch telepaths infidelity boarders on impossible; cheating is virtually non-existent.

Challenging a marriage yes, cheating no. Michael believes in this systems.

“T'hy'la, That’s outrageousness, you a wonderful….” Michael begins sounding horrified.

“and to think you know me when I am 30x more work-obsessed, more snappish, with crows feet and grey hair,” Philippa comments drily.

Michael is an aghast, but Philippa forestalls her waxing lyrical about why Michael finds her beautiful. As flattering as it is to inspire comparisons to astrological phenomena and Vulcan heroines for hours it misses the point.

“The point is such things are ancient history; they will cope. Besides Chris seems content with his 4th wife, a sculptural artist. My family is no longer alternatively trying to mend the bridge or murder him.”

“and what will they make of a Vulcan foundling xenoanthropologist as a prospective partner” Michael is often frustrated by the limits of human language but is adjusting, and her insecurity is understandable.

Philippa tugs her down and tangles their limbs together. She is grateful that they both have a ridiculous amount of leave set aside. As a consequence lazy mornings like this are possible and tacitly encouraged.

“You are perfect for me that is all they need to know,” she whispers not caring if she sounds cliched.

The debate is moot for now in favour of better things.

  
*****

"So this is your Michael than?"

Philippa looks up from her book to see her eldest brother standing next to her beside the pool. Many generations of the Georgiou family or scattering around the multi-acre property, having finished a long lunch overseen by the chefs in the family, they are all sampling several types of cheesecake before the traditional games night.

There are about 50 or 60 people in here total, and it gives the Starfleet Captain a genuine thrill to meet several new babies and spouses who arrived between her visits.

Michael is obligingly assisting several younger family members to fix their broken hover toys before helping the eldest with his physics homework.

"Yes, that's her" Philippa regards her brother carefully for he is the closest to her ex-fiancee.

Gregory sits down in the spare chair, watching the scene in front of them, particularly Michael and his daughter who are getting on well.

"Do I need to worry about you? I know you were hurt by what Chris did, But isn't this a bit like repeating the trend? She is young, Pip" there is no judgement in the tone only fear for a sister.

Philippa snorted "The situations are entirely different. For one thing, I doubt any of Christopher's girls could spell 'degree' much less hold 4 of them" Philippa quips jokingly.

"Now Now....Lucy is not like that at all" Gregory cannot help but chuckle at the analogy "You forgave him far too quickly - my offer to poison his crop of Himilayian Otes this year still stands, you know."

Philippa waves him off "Ancient heartaches mend brother; there is no need to defend my honour or being conflicted about being his best friend."

Gregory gave his sister a one-armed hug with a gentle smile.

"I hope she makes you happy, sis and she does seem lovely," he says genuinely.

"Just don't challenge her to protect my honour. Michael is expert in several Vulcan martial arts, won the academy competition two years running. It will put your childhood Aikido to shame" Philippa warns with a broad grin.

"Impressive"

They both grin indulgently as they hear the familiar sound of folk music, the usual favourites are on repeat again. People slowly start moving to the impromptu dance floor in twos and threes.

"She is young Greg possibly too young. She may decide to leave, but she is one of the most honourable people I have ever met. There will not be a repeat of what happened with Chris."

Gregory smiles as he points at the scene front of them and the figure approaching in a bronze sundress.

"I don't think there is any chance of that happening."

Michael is coming towards them grinning as she watches the repaired hover toys flying over her head, as the children race them, encouraging their new friend to join in.

"May I have this dance?" the voice is calm and light

Philippa accepts the outstretched hand with the pleased smile, feeling a thrill of excitement as they make their way to the dance floor.

To Philippa's surprise, Michael is a talented dancer who confidently leads them in a series of graceful moves, holding her close and keeping an instinctive rhythm.

"Have you had lessons, darling? is there any limits to your talents?" Philipa asks as they swayed more than danced.

"Amanda insisted - until now I mainly did it for the geomatic patterns and time with Spock. I appreciate them right now. Michael grins

Philippa often says that she trust Michael with her life and the lives of her crew.

It is not until this moment surrounded by family that she realises that she trusts Michael with her heart.

 

 

 

 


End file.
